Sep 28

Are We Raising Anxious Children?

My grandson is 6-years-old and he and his mother live with me. He is afraid of everything with a stethoscope, and anything that crawls or flies. He has gag reflexes when he thinks he has to taste anything different, gets anxious when he sees a bug; and spits constantly because he believes he has dog hair in his mouth (yet is constantly romping with his dogs).,

He won’t eat what we cook, won’t touch vegetables or fruit, and won’t drink plain water. At school, however, he tries everything they give him to eat. Somehow the same food, often made by the same companies, is edible – yet not at home.

If we tell him he has a doctor’s appointment, the night before he will ask dozens of questions and have bad dreams – even for a simple check up.

He is a very shy boy, but a teacher’s dream. He is polite, and listens (at least at school). He is kind to others, and shows compassion when someone gets hurt.

boy-biting-his-nails-He also bites his nails – I believe because he puts so much pressure on himself to not get something wrong or get into trouble – even though we tell him we don’t expect him to be right all the time.

Because of his attitude, I am afraid he is setting himself up to be a bully’s victim.

We have put him into karate, because although we don’t believe hitting is the appropriate response we want him to be able to defend himself if he needs to – he got bored. We signed him up for soccer – he was afraid to play when he found out there would be people watching the game. He isn’t interested in baseball, football or outside games – just video games. We have now signed him up for Cub Scouts (keeping our fingers crossed he will come out of his shell).

Do the anxieties of the parent become the reality of the child? I firmly believe these anxieties come from those around him. Although I calmly get up when I see a bug, grab a fly swatter, and either kill it or scare it off, his mother does do a dance when she sees bees and crawly things.

Neither of us are confrontational people, but are not afraid to stand up for ourselves and want him to be the same way. We confront when necessary – or when we see someone or an animal being mistreated.

Authors of the book Anxious Kids Anxious Parents say: “Worry and anxiety are normal. They show up when you are doing something new or different or challenging. Your job is to step into the uncertainty of life, not away from it. Knowing how to respond to your worry — not how to eliminate it — is the key. Parents must focus on raising children that can tolerate uncertainty and problem solve so that kids feel equipped as they grow.”

What can be done to bring a child out of their shell? How can we effectively stop their anxiety? Shy and anxious children often become depressed. We don’t want that to happen to him.

If anyone has any suggestions that they found have worked for them, please let me know.

#anxiouschildren #anxiety #shyandanxiouschildren

Sep 15

Facebook Has Opened My Eyes

Prior to Facebook and other social media I must have been living in a bubble. I thought I had lived a good life, and seen much more than many. I have seen man’s inhumanity to man in many forms, and also the goodness in people, yet I was somehow protected from so much.

I’ve read the history books (something our politicians obviously have not), and worked in politics. I’ve seen how corrupt and manipulative it can be. Still I tried to fight against the greed and inequality as best I could – through articles and owning a local newspaper.

I was raised a Catholic, which obviously is the “liberal” end of Christianity. I didn’t realize that the Jesus I was taught to love, and who loved and accepted all men no matter what, was not the same Jesus other Christians are praying to. Living in the Midwest I didn’t realize the degree of hate people had for people of color, or whose religion did not agree with them. They wallow in their ignorance of other cultures. These “Christians” forget that Jesus was a JEW – he was born a Jew and died a Jew. He did not read, or write, the Bible. He may not have read at all, and if he did it was one of the Aramaic translations. He was NOT white, he was of Middle Eastern descent – just like the Iranians are today that they seem to hate. I just accepted everyone as being HUMAN, and the differences were in culture and the varying degrees of color in our skin (underneath we all are the same, if you were to cut us open). I was naïve. I thought being a Christian was being “Christ-like” and not hateful and cruel.

I attended private and public schools, so I’ve seen how income can affect the way people perceive you. I’ve also seen what good teachers can accomplish, and how bad teachers can extinguish the desire to go to school. I attended a mixed school later in high school, and had (and still have) many black friends. We respected each other, and I could not conceive of them being treated any differently than I was (although I know now that was naïve of me).

facebook depressionI’ve seen bullying in different forms – mostly done by adults who believe their position gives them extra privileges. I have even been bullied myself, and it carried down to how they treated my children, when I did not write an editorial that pleased a teacher, school board member or local politician. Even though I learned in my 20’s that politics was slanted, I still had hope that the majority of people who served did it to help, and not for personal gain.

I have NOT, however, experienced the immense amount of hate, judging and acceptance of hate as I’ve seen since I joined Facebook.

I often sit in awe (and sometimes I don’t just sit, I interact with the computer) at how cruel people can be to each other. I watch videos of teens bullying other people, and nobody stepping in to stop it – but can still video it.

I’ve read horror stories about some parents unimaginable treatment of their children, and listened to politicians and preachers try to validate their opinions or increase their popularity by inciting hate and bigotry in others.

I am ashamed of some of the things people accept as truth because of the source it comes from, and not from finding out for themselves what is right or wrong. I’ve learned that if you repeat something often enough it becomes fact to some people (something Hitler, Joseph Goebbels and other Nazis have stated) – whether it is or not, and there is no changing their mind with the truth and facts.

I have become frightened for our county, one that once was thought of as a great and caring nation – full of hard-working people who accept others and embraced them for their differences as much as for their similarities. This is one of the reasons so many people want to come here – and why our ancestors came here.

I have lived through my best friend being murdered; advertisers to my small newspaper being bullied by larger ones and those in power who didn’t agree with my exposes to put me out of business. My children lived through being treated differently in school because their teachers did not like my editorial. I have been looked at and treated as stupid because I was not good looking enough, or rich enough, or did not have as much education as they think I should have. I have been a single parent, and a woman in a man’s world. This has not deterred me. I still had hope for the future I was raising my children and grandchildren in.

I also have been lucky, and grateful, for the wonderful people I have seen and met who have shown me what amazing creatures mankind can be, and what can be accomplished by working together for a good purpose.

Although Facebook and social media have a lot of darkness in them, and spending a lot of time on there can be very depressing, there is also a lot of light. Even though the number of wonderful things and miracles people do for others is not posted as often, there is still enough light getting in to keep the flicker of hope alive. These pieces of light show that there is a possibility that things will turn out for the good.

We can only hope.

In the meantime, I will spend less time on Facebook getting depressed, and more time trying to find the silver lining and work for a change.

#hopeforthefuture #facebook #howFacebookdepressespeople

Aug 15

The Loss Of Good Teachers In Public Education

Good teachers are not there for the paycheck and the summers off, it is a calling – and not just anyone can excel at teaching.

When I was younger I used to hear people say, “Those who can’t teach.” They were so wrong. It takes a special kind of person to be a good teacher. It takes a love for certain subjects, and a love for the children. It allows a person to take their passion and pass that knowledge down so others can learn and in turn teach it to others. Framing the curriculum in such a way that makes the subject matter interesting takes an art that not everyone possesses.

I’ve also seen a bad teachers change a student – and that experience alters their outlook on education forever. Fortunately, there are more good teachers than bad. It is not the job of the state or national government, however, to decide how well our teachers are doing at their job – that is the job of the school board. Leave it on the local level.

good teachersWhen good teachers decides that they have to leave their passion, it is not because they lost the desire to teach, it’s because there were too many obstacles placed in their paths making them unable to do their job. A good example is this article, which contains a letter written by a seasoned teacher, as to why she has to leave her beloved teaching job in a Michigan public school because of all the governmental restraints placed on teachers.

It is a sad commentary to our public educational system. We are losing our best teachers because government is taking over education. They aren’t doing a good job at governing, so why try taking over something they are not equipped, or qualified, to handle?

What SHOULD BE the most important job in our country (our world) is the teaching of our youth to be in a position to take over when the time comes. Education has been relegated to a line item on a budget that is constantly being slashed to make room for pork items (basketball stadiums, roads to nowhere, etc), that cost the taxpayers more money and for which most will not benefit.

We need to keep investing in education – not only public education for our younger children, but making it affordable for everyone through college. Our top priority is our children and their education. They shouldn’t have to go into debt to get through school, and they shouldn’t be regulated as to how they pursue their passion after they graduate.

Our good teachers are worth much more than we will ever be able to pay them. Their bonus is seeing a student understand what they have taught, and use that knowledge as they progress in life. Their rewards are the success of their students.

Anyone who thinks otherwise obviously never had good teachers. Let our teachers teach, and take away their restraints.



Aug 09

Football Hall of Famer Junior Seau Was Larger Than Life

Normally I have not gotten close enough to a professional athlete, or celebrity for that matter, to feel more than sadness for a passing of a life. Junior Seau was an exception, and his passing impacted me on a personal level. I watched his daughter give the speech she had prepared for his induction into the Football Hall of Fame in her hotel room (click here to hear her speech) and was not able to give on stage. It brought back one single incident that exemplified the type of man Junior Seau was. I have published this story before on other sites, but I want to share it again.

Many years ago I had the pleasure to meet Junior while he was still a senior at Oceanside High School in California, and not famous except in his high school and athletic circle. Very seldom does a brief encounter leave a lasting impression, but this one did, and I have never forgotten it, even all these years later.

My husband was a Marine, and we were stationed at Camp Pendleton. My oldest son was a freshman at Oceanside High School when Junior was a senior. In the world of high school that is a big chasm. Junior was BMOC, captain of the football team, best baseball player, basketball star, etc. He also was a very handsome young man, so very popular with everyone.

junior seau2Seniors don’t pay attention to freshmen, even if they are on the football team together. My son Todd was good at football, but not a first or second stringer at that time, and it was a large team.

One weekend our family decided to go to the local movie theater. Junior was standing in the lobby with a group of senior athletes wearing their letter jackets, and their girlfriends, when we came in. He saw my son, gave him a nod of acknowledgement, which would have been sufficient, but then left his group and came over to shake Todd’s hand and introduce himself to us.

This may not seem like much, but it was a big deal to Todd that someone as important as Junior in school would even acknowledges him in public. It certainly impressed me. He was a kind and considerate young man, and thought about others. No one was a stranger when Junior was around.

Years later, when Junior was drafted by the San Diego Chargers, we followed his career with joy. He deserved all the success he received, and all the community work he did outside the stadium just reinforced my original impression of him. You never saw him without a smile, and there wasn’t anyone he looked down on or felt better than.

Junior came from a large Samoan family, and they have a large community in the Oceanside and San Diego area. My heart goes out to them for their loss, and to the community to which he devoted much of his time.

One of the regular writing jobs I have done over the years consists of writing about the brain and things that affect it. I have written several articles on brain injuries, and concussions especially, among athletes. Every time I wrote about the NFL players fighting the league’s cavalier attitude toward the long-term effect of concussion I looked for Junior’s name on the list of defendants. I had hoped he was one of the lucky ones, but when I heard about his suicide in 2012 it saddened me to realize that something could have been done to help him before it ended like this.

Concussion damage may not be something that manifests itself immediately after the incidentjunior seau. It could be many years later, and shows up in changes in personality – especially depression.

People like Junior never want others to know they are having problems. Culturally the man was the tower of strength. It saddens me to think he could have been helped if he had only told someone he was having problems, and they had listened.

Goodby Junior Seau. You were an angel here on earth, and now you are wrapping those big arms around others and protecting them. Even in death you continue to leave an impact. You deserve the honor of being inducted into the Football Hall of Fame, and judging from your daughter – your legacy lives on.


#JuniorSeau #HallofFamerJuniorSeau #JuniorSeaulegacy

Aug 08

Is Anger How We Choose Our Leaders?

Are we the most productive when we are angry? Is it the motivator for getting things done? Some seem to think it is. The problem is, how can we channel that anger to be productive in a positive way, and not negative?

When one individual person gets angry he/she can often take it out on someone else, or they can incite others to be angry too. This can be taken out in a violent way, which could lead to riots and destruction – but, if it were channeled into a positive force it could move mountains.

Anger often results in change. If enough people get angry about something they organize themselves and work to do something about it. If enough voices are being heard there is so much attention it can’t be ignored. Then action takes place. If the result is still not what is what they set out for, they incite more people to get angry and more voices are heard – and the end result then could be what is wanted.

If people are angry enough at the government they will do something to change it – meaning organizing a movement to elect new leaders. If enough people getting angry at the current leaders, and if they can get motivated enough to get out and work and vote, this movement can lead to a positive change (at least for a short time).

angerThe problem with a group that organizes from the standpoint of anger is that they take in others who don’t always know what they are angry about, but want to be part of the change. They only listen to what others tell them is the problem, and don’t take the time to actually find out for themselves if they are angry about the right thing. They choose a leader who is loud and angry, and then stand behind him – even though in their hearts they soon realize that person is not the spokesman they would have chosen if they weren’t so angry to begin with and just want change.

There is nothing wrong with getting angry. It’s a healthy emotion. Some people take it out by releasing it in a positive way – others do the opposite. Either way gets results, but in the end the negative approach usually does not make things any better than what you started being angry about.

When you choose the leader for your country you want him/her to be empathetic to the struggles of the average person. You want them to understand what it’s like to work for a living and want to raise your family in a safe environment. You want someone who is compassionate to those in need, and doesn’t expect anything in return if he/she offers help. You don’t want someone who takes advantage, but someone who gives advantage.

A national leader is someone who will not send our children to war without a good reason, and will work with all their might to avoid it if possible (but not afraid to move quickly if necessary to protect our country). You want someone with tact and diplomacy, not someone who just says what comes into their head. Diplomacy is a very fragile thing. You want someone who will not jump first and ask questions later, but someone who takes their time to research the best alternatives for everyone, not just their own party or friends.

Anger may get us moving, but it can also make us react instead of act. Let it keep you fueled, but don’t allow it to get out of control. It’s really easy to start a riot, and much harder to stop it.

Choosing a leader we can respect and follow takes more than just agreeing with what they have to say. It takes believing they can follow through with a clear head and an open mind as they tackle issues that involve more than just their immediate following. You have the opportunity to choose, so choose wisely – not out of anger for a change.

Understand what you are angry about, and then be smart in how you are going to go about making the change. Don’t just pick up a stone and start throwing – but pick a group of smart and informed people and start strategizing.


#anger #angerinpolitics #angerisamotivator

Aug 03

No One Can Make You Feel Inferior

Are you allowing others to make you feel less than you are? Take control of your life now. Discount those who are negative in your life, and do not support you in your dreams. You are the only one who can hold you back. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote: “No one can make you feel inferior.”


no one can make you feel inferior

#takecontrolofyourlife #dontletanyonemakeyoufeelinferior

Jul 29

How do you define a hero?

I used to think the word “hero” was overused. It has been used to describe someone who goes above and beyond what is expected – to save lives or perform some type of extraordinary act. I sometimes scoff when the word hero is used in a way that really doesn’t seem to fit – but then maybe it’s me that should rethink the definition. There are varying degrees of heroism. How do you define a hero?

The dictionary describes a hero as:

  • A mythological or legendary figure, often of divine descent, endowed with great strength or ability
  • An illustrious warrior
  • A man admired for his achievements and noble qualities
  • One who shows great courage
  • The principal male character (protagonist) in a literary or dramatic work
  • The central figure in an event, period, or movement
  • An object of extreme admiration and devotion :  idol

My husband says he thinks a hero is one who does something for someone else when it would have been much easier not to. It could be a little thing, like plowing their neighbor’s driveway in the winter, or going to check up on someone because they are concerned. That’s a good explanation. Everyday people perform acts of heroism from time to time.

heroesOur soldiers, police and firefighters are heroes – they risk their lives on a daily basis to serve and protect. Their families also are heroes, because they make life easier for these heroes to return to a normal life after their duty is done – as well as worry their loved one will be injured or killed in the line of duty.

Our doctors and nurses are everyday heroes, giving of themselves so others can be healthy.

I do not think someone who performs their job well is a hero – unless they are also helping others to become better people, or teaching and mentoring others to become successful.

Does that mean all leaders are heroes? Not necessarily. Not all politicians are heroes. It all depends on the reason behind what they are doing. There are some who actually are there to help, while others are there to help themselves.

Positions do not make a hero, its attitude and perseverance. It’s the willingness to put oneself out there for the greater good, even if it is hard. It’s continuously being there to support and protect. It’s thinking of someone else first, and not of the consequences to yourself. It’s spending time with a child when you would rather be watching the game. It’s being someone to look up to for their good qualities, and someone you want to emulate.

If I were to actually think about it, most people perform some type of act, even small, that someone else will appreciate. They did something admirable, maybe even heroic, in some small way.

Good parents are our everyday heroes, as are grandparents, who teach you values you retain for the rest of your life. Teachers are everyday heroes. Even the clerk at the grocery store, who puts that extra change into the till from his/her own pocket because you just didn’t have enough to cover the bill. Small bits of kindness, done without an ulterior motive – those are our everyday heroes.

People who work for/with charities for the betterment of man and animals – those are heroes. Those who do their part to preserve the well-being of the planet – those are everyday heroes.

Do you have to perform exceptional acts of bravery to be a hero? No. You just have to be there for others. That’s a hero in my book.

Jun 21

Tribute To Father Figures Everywhere

My siblings and I were adopted by two loving people who tried to do the best for us. We were lucky to have the opportunity to go to good public and private schools; have a nice home and vacations; and learn from two of the mother, father and teachers a child could have. Things could have been so different.

I had just turned 19 when my father died. My brother was 16, and my sister was 12. He was strict, but fair, and probably one of the smartest people I have ever known in my (now) long life. I still speak to him and ask for help and advice – and I believe he has helped me through some very difficult times.

Dad worked a lot, but he came home at night to laugh with us, and he was always available to answer questions. He took us to the circus, and showed us how to skate (photo of my brother and I with our dad). He was there to catch us when he took the training wheels off our bikes, and he showed us the right way to hold a baseball bat and throw a fastball. He also taught us what a good work ethic was, and how to be responsible for our own behavior.

Dad was passionate about life, and although he had one of the most severe cases of psoriasis you can have, never let this stop him from being liked and successful. These lessons we never forgot, and have passed them on to our joe and I skating

When I met my husband, Jerry, I already had a son, then 8. He accepted my son as if he were his own, and even after we had three children together he never showed favoritism between my older son and his birth children. He too died way too early – he was 38, and our children were 24, 14, 12 and 9. Our oldest son took over the role of father-figure for his younger siblings. This is what good role models do.

Often a father’s status in the family is one of breadwinner – and seldom more. They are not appreciated for their efforts because they may have never learned to show emotions. We are doing them a disservice is we don’t make the effort to try to get to know them while they are still here for us to do so.

All too often a father is simply a name on a birth certificate – or absent altogether. In those cases a mother will assume both parents’ roles; while some grandfathers, brothers or uncles may take up the slack. These father figures are so appreciated, and often taken for granted.

I read somewhere that some fathers are angry because their children are thanking their mothers on Father’s Day. Perhaps it’s because the father wasn’t in the picture very much, or was not available when the child needed him. Perhaps there were extenuating circumstances where the father was not allowed in the child’s life (and if this is because the mother is keeping them away – shame on her for being so selfish). No matter the circumstances, if the child feels the mother was both father and mother, there must be a reason.

My mother and I raised our children alone after our husbands died (and she was a great mother and role model as well), but we could not replace the fathers. We both were lucky the men in our lives established a good foundation prior to their early demise. My siblings and I, and my children, can now look at Father’s Day with fond memories of happy times shared.

Whether we realize it or not, a good father, one we can call “Dad,” impacts our lives in innumerable ways. They mold us, allow us to lean on them, and support us in all phases of our lives (even when we are not taking the right paths) with love.

To all the father figures in the world, we salute you. Happy Father’s Day.

#happyfathersday #fatherfigure #dad

Jun 20

Skin Tone Should Not Separate The Human Race

I can’t get it through my brain that someone would enter a church full of kind people praying together and simply start shooting them down – for no reason other than their skin tone. It is so senseless, and so unnecessary. Could the massacre in Charleston, NC have been avoided? From the statement the shooter, Dylann Roof made to one of the victims when she pleaded for him to stop, ‘No, you’ve raped our women, and you are taking over the country … I have to do what I have to do.” Then he shot the woman’s son.

His statement sounds like a throwback to Civil War times – when the Klu Klux Klan formed. It seems some parts of our country never moved past these ideas. For some reason some white men still feel, as they did centuries ago, that the white race is superior to others. I wonder if Dylann Roof ever took the time to get to know anyone of another color? We are not born with hate in our hearts; it is a learned behavior and attitude.

I don’t understand racial bias because there are no real “white” people. Everyone is a person of color. We are only different on the surface because of different skin tone – most often because of the part of the country where the sun is more or less intense and our bodies have adapted over generations of time.

mixed-race-children-2Lighter skinned people live in climates where the sun is not as intense, and there are seasons – the less sun, the lighter the skin. Darker skinned people have more melanin in their skin because they have to be protected from the harsher sun beating down on them 12 months out of the year. The more sun exposure, the darker the skin tone. Underneath, however, we are all the same – same organs, same blood types, same brain functions, etc.

I listen to people speak about Christianity, and many of them speaking out of hate for other races. Do they not understand that Christ was dark-skinned (verified through anthropology)? He was born in the Middle East, where people naturally have dark skin, yet Christians in America see Christ as a white man – a myth that dates back through the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, and propagated through paintings from that period (the Bible does not go into physical characteristics).

When Martin Luther King was asked “Why did God make Jesus white, when the majority of peoples in the world are non-white?” he replied, “The color of Jesus’ skin is of little or no consequence” because what made Jesus exceptional “His willingness to surrender His will to God’s will.” His point, as historian Edward Blum has noted, is that Jesus transcends race.

We were taught in Sunday School that “God is Love,” and that we were ALL created in his image. How is that possible if we all have different skin tone? It is because, as Dr. King pointed out, God sees no color in man – only their hearts. The color, shape and abnormalities of our outer layer – our skin, is not important. It is our soul, our spirit, and how we treat others that count.

It’s too bad this lesson was not taught to Dylann Roof. He would have entered that church with a different attitude, and there would have been a different outcome. As it is, the victims are forever in a place where the color of their skin is of no consequence. They left a legacy of love, and taught their families who true Christians really are.

#skintone #hatecrimes #hatebecauseofthecoloroftheirskin

Jun 02

Being Poor in America

This current politically correct trend the politicians are waging on people who are struggling just to survive has got to stop. To make life even harder for who are already down is a sad commentary to a greedy and self-serving group of people who lack the understanding of what being poor in America is all about.

It seems we treat the poor in other countries with a lot more respect than we do in this country. As my mother always said, “Charity begins at home.” We clean up our house and we can work on yours.

When we have a country run by mostly millionaire white men, who never worked from the ground up for their money, you don’t have a representative government, and you have a fiefdom. Unless you have been in the situations of the people you represent you have no idea of what they go through, nor the struggles and obstacles they have to overcome in order to try to break away from these circumstances.

How many of these legislators actually put a meal together, much less go to the grocery store? Have any of them had to budget $400 a month to make it stretch for a family of six in this day and age? I can tell you, I have, and you don’t eat steak or seafood. You don’t eat nutritiously either. You try to be creative with your recipes by using spices, and you stretch the portions by using fillers.

Poor_Increase_USA_2010-09-12Your staples are hamburger, hot dogs, chicken and pork for meat. Seldom can you afford beef, and if you are lucky to get a special deal on a good piece of beef you cut it up to stretch it for more than one meal. For vegetables you eat a lot of potatoes (because they are filling and cheap), and you make a lot of stews and casseroles filled with carbs – like noodles, white rice, and potatoes. Chips and condiments are necessary fillers to compete a meal so your family doesn’t go hungry. Many often use tortillas, and they are not all of Spanish descent.

Some states, like Kansas, have forbidden the purchase of potatoes and ketchup on food stamps. Since when were potatoes and ketchup luxuries?

Kansas also limits the amount of money withdrawn from their TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) accounts to $25 per day. They say it limits their chances to use the money to purchase drugs and other non-essentials. It also costs people who are already poor $3.77 per transaction to take that $25 out! The average benefit is $354 a month (not enough to pay rent and utilities, much less anything else). If they were to withdraw this money at $25 per day they would end up making 14 withdrawals @ $3.77 per withdrawal, for a total of $52.78 in fees. That means they would actually receive $301.22 in benefits.

Not only is this ridiculous, but it is putting more people on the street – where they will get arrested for being homeless – as if it were a crime. Give me a break!

Legislators should never pass bills that they themselves would not comply with. Let each of these cold-hearted bastards who allowed this bill to go through have to live with the consequences of their actions – for even just one week. Let them experience what it is like to have to try to feed children who are crying because they are hungry, and to pay rent on an apartment that is owned by a slumlord who won’t fix the plumbing or leaks in the roof.

Being poor, or even having temporary financial setbacks, is not grounds for belittling or being looked down upon. These people deserve a hand up, not a slap down. It is bad enough they are often taken advantage of by predatory loans and practices. Isn’t that what states like Kansas are doing to them?

It is not a disgrace to be poor, and nobody wants to be in that position. Not ALL people who ask for help are trying to milk the system, or looking for the government to take care of them. MOST are people who are struggling, and even working, just to put food on the table and a roof over their families head.

People who are poor do not have self esteem. It is depressing to not have any money. It is a condition that, if not helped leads to more depression – and anger. It also is a difficult place to get out from under

These legislators often spend more that $354 on a lunch or dinner – yet begrudge this to a family for a month.

American became great because we embraced all ethnic groups and religion. We offered opportunities to everyone who wanted to take advantage of them to earn the American dream – a house, good meals, and an education. We are the first ones to respond to a crisis around the world, and are empathetic to the suffering of others – or at least we used to be.

Whatever happened to that America? It’s time to take back our country, and bring back the compassion and greatness that made us the place where the rest of the world admired. It’s time that being poor in America does not mean being kicked to the curb as if they were rubbish, but with respect – and to help them to live with dignity.

Being poor in America is bad enough. Being abused for it is inconceivable.

What are your thoughts?


#beingpoorinAmerica #feedingthepoor #abuseofthepoor

May 30

Are You Growing The Seeds of Compassion?

What seeds are you planting? I’m hoping I can grow compassion, kindness and empathy.


May 27

Walk With Integrity

This quote from the Bible (Proverbs 28.6) tells it all: “Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than a rich man who is crooked in his ways.”

Integrity can make a poor man rich. Lack of it can make a rich man poor. Which would you choose?



#integrity #values #walkwithintegrity

May 26

Revamping The Electoral System

I don’t think, as some do, that rich people are the cause of all the problems in this country. As a matter of fact, there are many rich people who give a lot of their money to helping those in need. It’s the ones who believe they are entitled to get richer on the backs of others – with no regard to their consequences, who are the problem. The problem lies in our electoral system.

Sure, since the majority of our representatives are rich (You have to have money in order to get elected) they are going to want to protect themselves and their friends. The laws are going to be made that benefit them. That is why our electoral system is so flawed – it doesn’t allow for the average person to become a representative. If our legislatures were filled with the average Joe/Joan the laws would be more centered toward their interests.

People who work hard for their money, and have taken advantage of what is available to succeed, should not be bashed simply because they made it. That is what capitalism is all about. That is what America is all about. It’s the land of the free and the home of the brave – or is it?

Just because the majority of us did not get the brass ring does not mean those who did should have to share with those who didn’t. It would be nice. It would be the “Christian” thing to do. It would be the humane thing to do. It would be the American thing to do – but it is not required.

your-vote-countsOn the other hand, being successful does not mean you should step on others in order to become richer. You should be paying your fair share of taxes – without all the loopholes those of lesser fortune do not have. I don’t think I should be paying a 19% tax rate while those with more money are paying less than 14%. I work hard for my money too, and I don’t have the deductions they can take to make their taxes lower. For this reason I believe in a flat tax rate.

What makes this day and age any different from any other time? There has always been greed and graft. What is frightening is the fact that it has gone unchecked for so long, and now the stronghold is so deeply embedded that we are scratching our heads as to why we didn’t see it before.

Suppressing the vote means that only hand-picked people will be able to have a voice in what goes on in this country. This means the “rich” agenda will be pushed through.

The question is how do we turn that around?

Most importantly – you have to VOTE. Although you may think your vote doesn’t count, if everyone felt that way the only ones who would vote would be the ones whose interests are being met. VOTING GIVES YOU A VOICE – just like them.

We expect our representatives to actually represent US. How crazy is that? They represent the people who got them elected. As soon as they are elected they have to start running again. The vicious cycle continues, and the need for more money opens up the opportunity to become more beholding to their larger contributors, and usually that means repaying them with favors that further their agenda and financial interests. These are not usually leaning toward helping those who voted to get them elected.

This type of government is for the special interests – not the majority of the people.

This is what I propose:

1) A live televised question and answer session will be conducted each month leading to the election, for no less than six months – with ALL candidates for each office participating. Because some people are better at debating than others, there will be no debate – just questions. The television channel chosen will be non-biased, and for now that station would be (PBS) Public Broadcast System – not Fox, MSNBC or CNN.

Each candidate will get the same questions to answer, and they will not have a chance to see them ahead of time. The questions will be chosen at random, and cover a variety of topics. There will be a total of 20 questions per session.

In this way the candidates will have to know their positions, and will not have the benefit of advisers giving them the answers in their ear. It will allow us to see them think on their feet, and work under pressure.

Any statistics they quote will be fact checked. There will be NO badgering of other candidates, or their records. The public will get a chance to see where each candidate stands on a particular issue – and not change the subject or back away from answering by hedging or bringing up the other candidates record. This will be based SOLELY on their thoughts, actions and goals.

2) A limit of $1,000 per person (and corporations are not people) can be donated to each candidate – and the authenticity of donors will be verified.

3) The Electoral College will be abolished. As it stands now, even if a region votes one way their representative is not obligated to vote that way. Whoever wins the popular vote will win the election. If the election results in a tie – which means there is a margin of error of less than ½% of those qualified votes, there will be an automatic new election.

4) Everyone over 18 will be qualified to vote. As long as they can show proof of residency for 6 months or more they can vote in their current district, and proof of citizenship. If residency is less than 6 months they will have to vote in their previous district – either in person or by absentee. Anyone is eligible to vote absentee, and no reasons need be given.

This is not a perfect solution to revamping our electoral system, and there will be kinks to be worked out, but hopefully it will eliminate a lot of the problems with disenfranchising voters; open representation to that who demographically represent their constituents; and eliminates corporations and mega rich moguls from furthering their agendas on the backs of the working classes.

Any suggestions? What do you think?


#electoralsystem #elections #changingelectoralsystem

May 19

Why Do People Choose More Liberal Leanings?

I hate when people label others “liberal” or “conservative” as if they were curse words. Not ALL people who lean towards liberal ideals, or ALL people who have some conservative leanings, can be categorized in either category. In reality, most of us are more centrist in our thinking, and don’t fit into any one category anymore.

I am a lifelong registered Republican, but don’t agree with most of what our current Republican leaders are putting out. I think religion should be kept out of business and government because there is no “one size fits all” religion. We are a country established to get away from religious persecution.

American politics

American politics

Over the years I have been through many changes, and hopefully they are for the best. I think that often, with age comes wisdom. At least, with experience you should learn to relate to others in the same situation, and find not all people fit into categories.

  • Not ALL poor people are lazy. As a matter of fact, almost everyone wants to work and take care of their family.
  • Not ALL people on food stamps are buying steaks and shellfish – unless they are inexpensive cuts and packages that can fit into an economy meal.
  • ALL people deserve medical care, even if they can’t afford it.
  • Many senior citizens are living on only Social Security because their pensions were lost to greedy corporate executives, or when the banks collapsed.
  • There are wonderful people in every race, religion and sexual orientation – and you have to look at people as individuals and not as their lowest common denominator.
  • Just because someone claims to be religious does not make them so.

My political leanings have moved along with those, and I saw myself transition from a dyed-in-the-wool Republican to a more centrist – bordering on the original Libertarian ideas. Now I have come to lean toward more Democratic ideals – mostly because the Republican Party that I worked for, and was so adamant about has fallen off a cliff in so many ways. Instead of working toward fixing the economy, improving our infrastructure, keeping less government out of our lives, and balancing the budget they are now working for the benefit of themselves, their friends, and those who support them (in all ways).

I have not lived a life of wealth, although some would consider my childhood to be upper middle class. I married a U.S. Marine, and we had our share of rough times – medically and financially. I sometimes worked more than one job at a time in order to make ends meet, and when my husband died I still had to raise three children (ages 9-14 at the time) on my own. My oldest son was then 24 and already grown, but although living hundreds of miles away, he helped me with his younger brother. I know what it was like to be a single parent trying to do the best they could while working full time.

I have known what it was like to have to apply and use food stamps when times were tough, even though I was working more than one job. It is humiliating, and humbling.

I know what it was like to have to work 12-18 hours days to get a business off the ground.

I learned that people do not change easily, and even if confronted with ideas that could help them to improve their quality of life they will choose the comfort of the familiar rather than make the change.

All of these were MY reality, and why I have shifted my views.

The best answer I have found as to why people tend to lean toward more liberal than conservative views in today’s world came from a writer named Taylor Batten of the “Charlotte Observer.” He wrote a piece on “Honesty Day” that required him to be truthful when answering the question as to why he supported the liberal agenda. This is a synopsis of his answer (read the full version here):

  • We believe that everyone is created equal.
  • We believe that children should not bear responsibility for the sins of their parents.
  • We believe people should not be treated as lesser citizens, with fewer rights, because of whom they love.
  • We believe discrimination is wrong in every instance.
  • We believe that police officers should act professionally, under incredibly difficult circumstances, regardless of a suspect’s race.
  • We believe taxes should be kept as low as possible while still providing a sound safety net for the neediest, a robust education for all, decent health care for the elderly and the destitute, and other basics.
  • We believe there are people of worth beyond our tight circle and there are neighborhoods beyond our own, with different histories, perspectives and needs.
  • We believe there are peace-loving Muslims.
  • We do not believe President Obama was born in Kenya.
  • We believe in the separation of church and state.
  • We believe if you’re a fan of a politician solely because he has a ‘D’ or an ‘R’ after his name, then you’re not paying attention.
  • We believe we have only one planet, and we should protect it for our grandchildren.

Looking at this list, I would think this is more a HUMAN agenda than a liberal or conservative one.

What do you think? I’d like to hear your opinions.


#liberalorconservative #liberalideals #liberalismvsconservatism

May 15

We Are Becoming A World of Entitlement

Having entitlement, by definition, is the belief that one is “inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.” We re seeing this more and more with each generation.

The Urban Dictionary defines entitlement as “someone who thinks something is owed to them by life in general; or because they are who they are.”

Are we becoming a world of entitlement?

We hear of rich people treating others, usually people working in service jobs, as if they are beneath them. They feel entitled to treat people any way they choose because they have money. Money and position should NEVER replace humanity.

We hear many politicians refer to government entitlement programs, which to them include Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid, most Veterans’ Administration programs, federal employee and military retirement plans, unemployment compensation, food stamps, and agricultural price support programs. Obviously they don’t know, or don’t see, the different between an entitlement and an earned benefit. Our elders worked for, and paid into, some of these benefits. Veterans paid for theirs in more ways than we can imagine. Politicians certainly don’t look at  their pension and medical benefits (just to name a few) as entitlement, yet they are. While our seniors have paid into their benefits for decades, these politicians become eligible after only one term. Hardly seems fair, does it?

americaThe majority of our law enforcement officers are fine, honest people who want to help and serve – and they deserve our respect. Unfortunately there are many who feel they are above the law, and are entitled to get away with things they would arrest the common man for. A teacher, police officers, and parents were respected.

How did we get here? What changed over the years that make so many people believe they are entitled to certain privileges because of their race, social status, or position? Perhaps it hasn’t changed as much as we think. There have always been the “good ‘ole boys” networks, and people who used their influence and money to get what they want. It wasn’t how most of us were raised. It just is more prevalent, or open for review now.

I once was working with a charitable organization and their president was a local police detective. I was riding with him to purchase some supplies when he ran a stop sign – didn’t even slow down. I turned to him and said, “Why didn’t you stop? If that had been me I would have been given a ticket.” He looked at me and laughingly said, “It’s kind of like being tax exempt.” That angered me. I always looked up to police officers as being examples of what you were supposed to be. They know the rules, and enforce them. How can you enforce and punish something you do yourself? There should be no exemption, or exception, unless there is an emergency.

Children, and society, have parents too afraid to discipline their children for fear of being reported to the authorities. When I was growing up, very seldom did you see a child have a temper tantrum in class, or slap the bus driver while the bus was running. Never did a parent enter a classroom full of students and start beating the teacher because she gave the woman’s child a failing grade (these things happened locally to people I know).  If we got into trouble at school we got punished at home as well. Parents never let their children get away with bad behavior.

When my youngest son got suspended from school for something (I don’t recall what) I didn’t let him sit on the couch watching TV or playing video games. He was not allowed to get away with bad behavior.  He had to wash all the walls in the house and work in the yard while he was supposed to be in school. He said he never wanted to get suspended again – he had to work harder at home. He never did again.

I owned a local newspaper. It wasn’t the largest one, but there is influence and power associated with the press. When my son was not turning in his homework – a requirement for his grades, yet aced all his tests, I told the teacher to flunk him. He knew the rules, he chose to ignore him. The fact that he knew the material well enough to ace the tests was irrelevant. Actions have consequences. If I would have allowed the teacher to give him a good grade, knowing he did not follow the rules, both of us would have been wrong. My son would have thought he was entitled to do the same and slack off in other classes. He was angry at me, but it was one grading period, and he could make it up. He got over his angry, and he learned a valuable lesson.

Children EXPECT their parents to buy them name-brand clothes and top of the line technology. They feel it is OWED to them. Their reasoning is that they did not ask to be born, so we owe it to them to provide the best. Although we would like to, it isn’t required. The problem is, we have given in and allowed this to happen. You can not raise an adult by treating like a child.

When my oldest son wanted to buy Bugle Boy clothes (in at the time) I told him I couldn’t afford them. I would buy him regular jeans, shirts and shoes, and if he wanted the name-brand things he would have to work to buy them himself. He did. It didn’t kill him.

All of my four children have grown up understanding that the world does not owe them anything. They have to earn it. That means working for what you want. If you want it badly enough you will get it. That also means that the world is not always fair, and some people get away with things because they are of small minds and lack the character and integrity to do the right thing. We feel sorry for them, we don’t have to associate with them, we don’t have to work for them, and we don’t have to vote for them.


#entitlement #privilege #expectationsofentitlement


May 06

Scare Tactics Are Usually Without Merit

When I was small we were told to be afraid of Russia and China invading us (The Cold War). Many people set up air raid shelters; federal buildings had centers where people could go in case of invasion; and my father sold Nutri-Bio fallout shelter kits that contained food in tablet form. It was a big thing. People were buying into the scare tactics and wanted to be prepared for a potential nuclear bombing.

The attack never came.

In 1999 we were told, and many of us were convinced, that a cyber attack (Y2K) would take place and all our computers would be corrupted by a virus. Since much of our world is powered by computers, we felt we would have to revert to “old fashioned” ways of living.

The attack never happened.

There are all sorts of scare tactics being put by politicians in order to sway people to their way of thinking – even if it makes no moral or ethical sense.

Most of them are unsubstantiated, but many still fall for them.

militaryCurrently there is a conspiracy theory that the military is trying to invade Texas because it is against the political agenda of the administration. Is this another Y2K or approaching martial law?

Operation Jade Helm is an 8-week training operation of several different special forces units. It is not only being conducted in Texas, but also New Mexico, Arizona, California, Nevada, Utah, Mississippi, Florida and Louisiana. This nine state exercise may be different than most, but it is not an invasion of the United States, as some people are making it sound.

Training missions are conducted all the time, in not only the United States but other areas of the world. We hold joint exercises to learn to work with our allies, and to understand how to approach different types of terrain and cultures. These are not always conducted on military bases. My husband was deployed twice to Norway to learn to work with all branches of U.S. forces and allied troops for cold weather training, and working around waterways.

Working with villagers is important, and being able to assimilate into surrounding areas is necessary in order to gather intelligence and provide safety for the troops. They have to learn it somehow – better to learn it beforehand than be less prepared when the situation should arise that they need it.

If you never had a fire drill at home or school, how would you know how to handle the situation? Being prepared is so much better than winging it.

I realize that it is often hard to believe our government sources sometimes, but usually if they are planning a surprise attack they don’t announce it beforehand, or ask states or communities for permission. Sometimes we have to just assume what the officials are telling us is correct, and it’s not out of the ordinary.

I am not discounting the possibility that there may be some need for paranoia. Scare tactics have been used for centuries to keep people in line. I just don’t think this one is one of them. I could be wrong. What is your opinion?

For more information on Operation Jade Helm, visit these sites: and

#scaretactics #conspiracytheory #OperationJadeHelm

May 02

Open Carry Is Return To Old West

Advanced countries do not allow their citizens to walk around in public openly carrying a weapon. Have we moved from the lawless old west to being able to walk the streets without arms, back to carrying weapons on the street? This open carry ruling is open season for vigilantes, and people with anger issues, to intimidate others. In most states (see map) they don’t even need to have a license or permit!

If you walked into a store and someone walked in carrying a rifle, what would be your reaction? I’d run for cover. You never know if they are going to rob the place or open fire on customers. We shouldn’t be made to feel unsafe in our own neighborhoods. I don’t feel comfortable, and most of the people I talk to don’t either.

People who carry weapons in the open, and are not law enforcement or security, are simply bullies – in my opinion. They enjoy the feel of power, and how people react to them with a weapon. This shows an immature mentality, and not one I would like to see angered.

There is a reason why the U.S. has multiple times more deaths by guns than any other country.

open+carry1313499177Don’t get me wrong, I am not against owning a gun. I am against people owning a gun and not being responsible enough to think of others, or to handle them as they should. Unless you are out hunting (and a submachine gun is NOT a hunting rifle), guns should be left in a secure, locked place and not openly displayed. No child should be able to pick a gun up and accidentally kill their sibling or parent with a gun left out in the open.

My husband, a former special forces Marine and Vietnam veteran knew how to handle a weapon, yet died in a freak hunting accident when his gun discharged when he tripped. If it can happen to someone who knows guns, what happens to those who don’t?

There was a reason Barney Fife kept his bullet in his pocket, and why Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry never carried a gun. Here is why in his own words – “When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he’s getting might really be fear. So I don’t carry a gun because I don’t want the people of Mayberry to fear me. I’d rather they respect the man.” He may have been a fictional character, but the sentiment is real.

After his death my son wanted to learn to use a gun, and I sent him to classes for gun control. How many who open carry have this basic training?

As a child we had a gun. My parents kept it in their dresser drawer. It was not locked up, and my siblings and I would go in and look at it. We never took it out of the room, but it still should not have been easily accessible to us. Years later, when my brother was in the military, he asked our mother if she still had the gun. She brought it out to him and he looked at it and said, “It’s a good thing no one tried to pull the trigger. It would have backfired.” The gun was defective. What if we had pulled the trigger “just testing it out”?

People hide behind the 2nd Amendment – the right to bear arms. This amendment has been debated in the Supreme Court several times. The landmark decision in 2008 (District of Columbia vs Heller) protected the individual right to possess and carry firearms. It should have added that with these rights come responsible ownership, and should require training before licensing.

Ruben Bolling put up a tongue-in-cheek article: “How to Tell the Difference Between an Open Carry Patriot and a Deranged Killer.” There isn’t much difference between the two – because when someone walks in with a gun on their shoulder you are not thinking about the intent of the person, you are looking at the weapon and automatically assuming they are there to do something bad.

What is the need to openly carry your gun? Is it not enough to know you can own one, and have it when you or your family are in danger?

Too many people have access to firearms who have no business with them. Not everyone is mentally mature, or stable enough, to own a weapon. If they weren’t so easily accessible, there wouldn’t be mass killings in schools or open playgrounds. What happens if someone with anger issues is allowed to carry a gun around all the time? Road rage, people shooting others in a theater for using a cell phone, etc. are prime examples.

I sometimes think legislators who pass laws allowing people to open carry weapons should be just as responsible for deaths and injuries as those shooting the weapons because they have given them the green light to do so.

What is your opinion?

#opencarry #legalizedopencarry #weapons

Apr 22

Are We Living A Life Of Fear?

As a child I was allowed to walk several blocks to play in a local park, or go to the skating rink. As a parent, I allowed my children to walk to the school down the road to play in the playground. Now parents are finding themselves being arrested for doing this. Have we become so afraid and jaded that we have digressed this far, this fast? Are we living a life of fear?

What brought about this change in thinking? Was it 911, or too many movies and television shows that show pedophiles and abductions? We are becoming a world living in fear of our neighbors and our neighborhoods.

I don’t think there are any more mentally unstable people in the world today than there were 40 years ago. I think we are just more aware of it, and it scares the hell out of us. Do we have to continue living a life of fear, or is there something we can do to make us feel a bit safer?kids-play-outside

I realize that we live in a time when we are too isolated in our personal lives, but much more open in our social media lives. Perhaps it’s time to close the computer and go meet your neighbors. When we felt safer we knew our neighbors.  Their children played at our home, and I felt safe sending my children there. I trusted them, and they trusted us to take care of their young ones. We socialized – played cards, sat out on the deck and talked, etc. Now we nod as we pass them in our car or when we are in our yards, but we don’t know them as people.

When my husband and I were raising our children on military bases we knew our neighbors because we depended on each other when our spouses were deployed. We emotionally supported each other when they were low on food, when they needed a babysitter, and when they just needed a shoulder to cry on or were feeling lonely. It was a whole different world, but much safer.

Are we destined to live a life of fear, in bubbles – overprotecting our children so they can’t ride their bicycles in the neighborhood, or to a friend’s house? Are parents who allow their children “free range” actually being bad parents, or just trying to teach their children that living in fear holds us back, and learning to become independent is a natural part of life?

We taught our children about not talking to strangers. We taught them to run the other way, and yell loudly when they were in fear. There were neighborhood homes that had signs in the window that they could go to if they were feeling frightened. “Stranger Danger” was taught at home and at school. The better prepared they were, and the more they learned about safety, the better they felt – and the better we felt about letting them explore.

Yes, parents need to be more careful who they trust, but most people are trustworthy. If you get to know your neighbors you can get a pretty good feel about who is trustworthy.

We can’t suppress our children from growing up, and we can’t live a life of fear. Do you have any solutions? Let’s start a discussion.

#livinginfear #fear #toomuchsafety

Apr 20

Whatever Happened to Patriotism?

I have been reading several versions of a story about a white woman being handcuffed by police after stealing a flag during a protest at Valdosta State University in Georgia. Marchers were trampling the American flag to protest unfair treatment. The more I read the angrier I get. Whatever happened to patriotism?

I agree that ethnic groups are being unfairly selected out for prosecution and abuse by officials, and that the woman who stole the flag was white and did not get arrested for theft, but the group she took the flag from did not press charges. That is not the issue I wish to address at this time. What ticks me off is that not one of the people commenting made a point of the fact the protesters were walking on the flag!

flagI realize that I am a baby boomer, and things have changed, but have we come that far? Whatever happened to patriotism, and respect for our country and it’s symbols? We are given the right to protest by the Constitution. It does say you can exercise your right to free speech, but it does not go far enough in protecting the rights of all Americans who serve and honor our American symbol. NOWHERE in the 1st Amendment does it say you can desecrate the flag during your protest.

I don’t believe our forefathers never envisioned stomping on the flag they so gallantly fought for as a way to exhibit free speech. I don’t believe the soldiers who have fought, and many who have died, would have ever entertained the thought anyone wanting to desecrate the very flag they had fought to protect.

As a widow of a Marine and Vietnam veteran, and having lived on military bases for many years while raising our children, I look at this type of protest as a kick in the face to every man and woman, of every race and religion, who wore the uniform of an American soldier. The American flag is not the symbol of the “white man,” it is the symbol of what American is all about – all races, gender, religion and ethnic background.

I look back at the renewed patriotism after 911 – where every American came together as a nation to mourn what happened in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. It was patriotism at it’s best. Then, however, it suddenly turned to hatred for another race and religion – for people who were different from most of us, even though they too may be Americans. Whole cultures were tried and convicted as “the enemy” for being related by nationality to those who committed acts of terrorism. Strangely, we don’t condemn white terrorists and mass murderers. The faces of bigotry and segregation have risen, and we are being returned to a time where hatred ruled the land.

The greatest thing about America is that we ARE the melting pot of the world. We have taken in people from all countries, with different religious backgrounds, to ENHANCE us as a nation.

The pilgrims came here because of religious persecution – although they too were bigoted against others who did not believe as they did. Can we not grow as a nation, to be accepting of others and their diversity? We all need to learn about what we don’t understand. Education makes us stronger, ignorance weakens us.

Using the American flag as a stomping mat because you protest white Americans having control is misplacing your anger. Use your power to make positive change – like getting out the vote. People only take power because we allow them to. Love your country, or find another you like better. Make the changes from within – but don’t trample over the ones who have done their part in trying to make this nation one everyone wants to come to.

Raise the flag, and stomp out those who try to keep control by suppression. That’s patriotism.


#patriotism #flag #Americanflag #desecrationofAmericanFlag #donttredonflag